You know how those wizards of Wall Street, the people who turned out 401Ks into 101Ks and less, do it.
They issue recommendations on stocks and they grade them BUY, SELL or stay static meaning HOLD.
I decided, now that Ricky Hatton has awoken from his early May nap, to do the same regarding people and things in boxing so…
MANNY PACQUIAO: BUY because the Pacman bandwagon is getting more full by the nanosecond. You will want to grab a seat or standing room BEFORE Megamanny decapitates Ugly Boy Mayweather. It won’t be a pretty scene, trust me!
It’s a bit ironic but so fitting that this once 105 pounds and now up to 148 Destroyer has turned into a smaller southpaw version of Smokin’ Joe Frazier (but with a crisp jab and fleet feet). I know he always mentions GenSan but Manny did live in Metro Manila as a young guy so let’s label him now The Thrilla From Manila.
I’m not saying Floyd Mayweather Jr. is trembling in his boxing boots this morning but he and Oscar De La Hoya must both be scratching their heads and asking, “What hath Coach Roach wrought?”
FREDDIE ROACH: BUY. The Nostradamus of boxeo told everyone this fight would not last three full frames. His prognostication was perfect because by my calculations not lasting two complete rounds is certainly a fight that did not last three rounds. (Let’s ignore the part where Coach Roach said it would highly competitive for that brief spell a la Hagler and Hearns.)
Clearly, the world’s preeminent trainer now and Up Above, even though they ended up with some ruffled feathers between them, I am sure Mister Eddie Futch, who trained Roach as a fighter and then trained him as a trainer, is smiling brightly.
Let me just add one thing about the harmony between Pacman and No Joke Coach Roach. In the recent past a world champion who is still fighting discovered that his manager and his own mother were cheating him of money. Imagine the psychic and financial pain this fighter felt with the woman who delivered him into the world robbing him blind…I bring this up only to say that the total trust between Freddie and Manny is a rare and wonderful thing in the sometimes stinking sewer of boxing.
FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR: HOLD and wait to see how this ho hum July 18 fight between he and Juan Manuel Marquez pans out. This is a fight which settles only one thing, who is the boss of Floyd or of Juan Ma. Pacman continues to rule the Pound For Pound roost once owned by Mayweather. Manny reaffirmed that with an exclamation point in his KO 2 Hatton. I wonder why Manny carried Ricky for so long.
FLOYD MAYWEATHER JR.: SELL because the Hatton camp, bitter losers, will spread word far and wide through boxing circles about what a never on time, prickly pear Uncle Floyd can be. Yes, Rick beat the hell out of those mitt pads but the Pacman beat the hell out of him. It’s unfair to say Ricky never moved his head because it moved pretty fast between Pacman’s right and left hooks and falling rapidly to the ring mat. Mayweather tried to sell plenty of wolf tickets but they are uncashable now. It’s true, he may say, you can’t teach old British bulldog new tricks.
Who is the Joke Coach now, Floyd? I still regard you as a highly competent trainer despite your awesome consumption of Mountain Dew and Hatton’s flopping to the floor three times. There are better nights ahead, Pretty Daddy, you can bet your old Gerri curls on that. And you will work with promoters and managers who will give you money to pay for your daily diet of Kentucky Fried Chicken washed down with good, old Mountain Dew. Why Mountain Dew doesn't give you a commercial shot eludes me.
RICKY HATTON: SELL. Yes, his popularity will get him one or two farewell fights but his supposed changed lifestyle and domestic tranquility did him no good. He was at least dangerous in the ring when he had just come from the pub. He was a clueless Ricky Fatton as Pacquiao made him look like a guy caught in a revolving door of constant pain. I must say, though, Ricky’s Loyal Legion loves him none the less this morning than they did yesterday. He should be grateful for that and the money. (As I write this, the Hatton camp is nervously awaiting results of a Las Vegas hospital brain scan. Let's all hope and indeed pray that the results are good for this wounded warrior.)
RAY HATTON: SELL. His son was guaranteed $12 million but he restricted Team Hatton troupe to $50 food per diem. Cheep, cheep, cheep like a bird. Maybe he can get a UK TV show called “Father Knows Worst.” And maybe, just maybe, Papa H should have kept real boxing guys like Big Cigars Artie Pelullo and Brit Dennis Hobson in the inner circle. Meddlesome boxiung parents need to know their limitations and this ex-footballer does not seem to recognize that.
LEE BEARD: SELL if you can but this mouthy gym bag porter never had his stock listed. If he’s a top level boxing trainer, then I’m a NASA-trained astronaut. Never got along with “Pretty Daddy” and felt he should have been top dog in the Hatton camp. Bark, Lee, bark. Let’s just say this cat is no Enzo Calzaghe among British fight trainers. Talked big talk, walked small walk.
BOB ARUM AND TOP RANK: BUY. Best move Uncle Bob ever made through four decades beside all those Ali bouts was settling the lawsuit with the Golden Boys and moving on as Pacman’s lead promoter. Arum remains the boss with the hot sauce and handles a worldwide phenomenon who is approaching but now yet at his boxing peak. Scary stuff, eh Little Floyd?
GOLDEN BOY: BUY. One monkey don't stop the Golden show which rolls on as HBO's favored promoter. Goldens rumored to be trying to lure Carl Froch, super middleweight who remains England's only world champion, into their vast promotional boat even as you read this.
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